so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Too much gin, very little bucket
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
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it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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