so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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