Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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