Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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