well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize