He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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