Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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