i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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