I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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