he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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