Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You need Xanax blowdarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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