Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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