She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize