listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
God, I missed his penis.
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