my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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