he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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