I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize