Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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