Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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