3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the condom got lost in my hair
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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