Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
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I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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