I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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