I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize