So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize