I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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