smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
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Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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