Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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