I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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