this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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