i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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