My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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