Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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