good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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