A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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