how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize