Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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