No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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