Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize