Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
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I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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