Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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