He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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