So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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