it was like his penis was on wheels.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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