Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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