I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
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SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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