I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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