We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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