I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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