i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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