I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
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yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize