I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize