I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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